As I prepare to celebrate my 47th birthday, I find myself reflecting on the profound emotional and physical changes this past year has brought. Yet, my thoughts frequently gravitate towards my daughter, who is just a month away from turning 10. Even as time races forward, I can still catch glimpses of the baby she once was—her smooth forehead, those sparkling hazel eyes that captivated me from the moment I first held her, and the thoughtful little furrow that often appears when she’s deep in thought.

This year has been particularly transformative for her. After sticking to the same haircut for seven years, she’s made the bold choice to grow out her bangs. Her passion for graphic novels continues, but she’s now exploring longer and more complex books. Her body is changing too; she’s growing, and I can hardly lift her anymore, though I still make the attempt. Thankfully, she still likes to curl up next to me on the couch, her limbs and size-eight feet dangling over the edge.

When I was growing up, conversations about sexual development and menstruation were never part of the discussion with my parents. I was determined to ensure my daughter wouldn’t have to navigate the confusion I did, so last year we took a big step together. We read the first chapter of Sonya Renee Taylor’s “Celebrate Your Body (And Its Changes, Too!)” out loud. The book provided her with valuable insights into what to expect as she embarks on her journey through puberty, addressing changes in her body and shifts in her emotions.

“Remember that puberty is stubborn, not arriving even one second before it’s ready. And that’s fine—just enjoy your body exactly as it is today. Tomorrow you can enjoy your body however it is then,” Taylor writes. While my daughter squirmed a bit through some sections, she actively engaged in the conversation. I’ve left that book alongside Corey Silverberg and Fiona Smyth’s “You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty and Other Things” on her shelf, hoping she’ll explore them at her own pace and feel comfortable discussing anything with me.

As we navigate these chaotic phases—oily skin, dry skin, widening bodies, and the subtle, yet significant changes we’re experiencing—I aim to approach my own journey through perimenopause as a transition, much like hers. I want to show her that these changes are perfectly normal and that instead of focusing solely on what needs to be “fixed,” we should embrace and even celebrate our evolving journeys.

It’s worth noting that my motivations aren’t entirely selfless. Early in my recovery from substance addiction, I stumbled upon the saying, “Help is the sunny side of control.” This sentiment resonates deeply with me, often surfacing at the moments when I least want to confront it. By taking the initiative to openly discuss puberty, I’m not just being a nurturing parent; I’m also aiming to steer the narrative. I aspire for both her adolescence and my menopause to be open, positive experiences. However, I’m fully aware that these transitions are largely beyond our control and come with their own set of challenges, and everyone deserves the space to navigate them privately.

I find myself in awe as I watch my daughter gracefully navigate her own growth, embracing the unknowns that lie ahead. I strive to reflect her acceptance, recognizing that it’s not only a gradual process but also one that necessitates shared understanding.

Recently, while preparing for my daughter’s first sleepaway camp experience, my cousin and her wife visited. As we all found ourselves in the bathroom, sharing the moment of brushing our teeth and fixing our hair, a beautiful sense of camaraderie developed among us women. My daughter’s joy was palpable; it wasn’t just about the attention she received but the feeling of belonging to something larger than our immediate family—a connection to a broader community sharing similar experiences.

“As you read this, there are 899 million girls in the world between the ages of 0 and 14. That means at least 300 million girls are beginning puberty right now,” Taylor reminds us. “Right this moment, somewhere across the globe, another girl is experiencing many of the same feelings you are.”

In 2023, there were roughly 934 million women aged 40 to 59 living worldwide, which means countless others are also grappling with the challenges of perimenopause—facing uncertainty, frustration, and transformation. It’s comforting to know that we’re not alone in these experiences.